Monday, December 13, 2010

I am an addict

Hi, My name is Franklin,
And I am an addict.

Before the addiction,
I was young, confident and assertive.
In the beginning,
It was always fun to try with friends.
Learning by mimicking.
I thought it was part of the process.
Process of becoming an adult.
Integrating to be part of society.

Soon it was no longer social.
The need to satisfy the habit was present,
Even when no one was around.
I thought I was in control.
To be able to choose when to give in,
And when to give up.
But in the end,
It was the habit that was in control.

Mood swings became evident as the habit grows.
The habit was brewing an alter-ego within myself.
Each decision became a chance,
For Jekyll and Hyde to argue.
I realized I was slowing changing.
Into the alter-ego born from the habit.

Each day I wake,
Praying to be sane and abstain.
But I was fighting a losing battle,
Mr Hyde will not suppress his hunger.

But starting from today,
Things will be different.
I will abstain,
And I shall suppress.
Any urges from within.
Because I no longer want to be associated
With the aftermath of giving in.
Starting from now,
I will say no.
And be assertive and confident about it this time.
Because precious time had been lost,
And will never be returned.

All I can do now,
Is to prevent myself from giving in.
To live each day with conviction.
My name is Franklin.
And I was an addict.

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